It has been a long time since I’ve written anything, but I’ve needed time away to “be present” with my dad and help mom. Dad’s health has been declining since he broke his hip last August. He tried for a time to get back in the game with walking and trying to eat for us, but somewhere along the way he just couldn’t do it.
I didn’t understand at the time why he wouldn’t get up and walk to get stronger, or why he wouldn’t eat to gain some weight. He had dropped down to 110 lbs and literally was skin and bones. I thought maybe he just didn’t have any fight or will left to give. I would even get upset at times with him. I’d tell him to please try harder for mom and I. You see he was a Marine for 30 years and I knew he had a lot of fight in him. I didn’t know how to make him want to try again.
He had been in the hospital for 2 weeks with doctors running all the tests that they could run to find out what was going on. His heart rate would spike and then stabilize, then he couldn’t swallow anymore, and he couldn’t breathe without help from a machine. The doctors told me then that he has so many blood clots in his lungs, along with the other troubles it was probable that he had cancer as well. There wasn’t anything they could do for him. The decision was made not to keep him on life support. I could see in his eyes he wasn’t with us anymore. He needed to be released him to go to heaven, to be in no more pain, and to be happy once again.
My dad passed away several weeks ago. It was the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to experience. Even when you know someone is declining rapidly, it doesn’t make it easier except for the fact we got to tell him all the time how much we loved him.
I was able to be there in his final moments after they took him off life support. It was during those final moments that I got to kiss Dad and tell him how wonderful he was, how proud I was of him and mom for loving each other for 56 years, and how as a daughter I was so blessed.
Never miss an opportunity to tell someone you love them. Tell them how much they mean to you. There will be a time when they won’t be there anymore – our time will end sometime when God feels it time.
I will begin to heal and write more each and every day.