Life Lesson – Out of Your Control

Image“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” ~ Maya Angelou

One of the many lessons I’ve learned over and over again, is that you can not control anyone else’s actions but your own. There are people out there that want control over their loved ones, or best friend, or co-worker etc. You know that you have met someone like this before. They NEED control to function well. It’s difficult for them not to have control.

I see this time and time again – in my life and in other lives.  I recently was the victim of a violent crime and who do you think I blamed first? Me! Why didn’t I see this coming? Why didn’t I see this behavior in this person? Why why why?  But what I had to realize is  – I always choose to see the good in people. It’s who I am. But the main lesson was he acted on his own insecurities or whatever was going through his mind. I will never know why he chose to do what he did. But WHAT I DO KNOW is  he made a horrible decision. He chose his decision and it was planned beforehand. I had NO control over his decision.

I had control of me and how I reacted to him. I chose to fight for my life  – I fought hard to be a survivor of this violent crime. I will share more later when I can write about what happened, but for now I want you to know it isn’t your fault what someone else chooses to do or act. You only have control over your actions and decisions.

Even when I was married and got divorced I learned this lesson. He didn’t want to be married to me or to be around our children during that time. I couldn’t MAKE him want to try to work on our marriage. I couldn’t MAKE him not cheat on me. I couldn’t… I couldn’t…. do anything but talk to him and he made his own choices. People are desperate to change their partners mind, but when someone’s mind is made up and they don’t want to be with you – then your best response is to let go.  Realize it is best for BOTH of you. I will say, my ex-husband regrets his selfishness now, but it was his train wreck years and years ago. He certainly has changed now and a much wiser person by his consequences. He dearly loves the kids and now cherishes his relationship with them.

Remember – step back from your emotions and look at it with clear glasses. When people react to you unkindly – it usually doesn’t have anything to do with you, but has everything to do with THEM! You can only control you and only you!! Be at peace with that. Love yourself first and be happy and comfortable with yourself.

Always- Much LOVE and LIGHT,

Deanna

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