Being Honest

Let me get honest with myself for a minute. I need to figure out why I stopped caring about myself, my health, my appearance, so I don’t repeat this again.  Right?

Self reflecting is a good thing, necessary at times to improve yourself.  “Why” did I allow myself to gain this weight?  First answer that came to mind when I asked this question out loud was a life changing event in 2000. When I say a “life event” those are times where our lives “change” and will never be the same from that moment on. Life events tend to be, for example, having a child, a parent dying, finding out you have cancer, etc. Those are life events.

I dramatically changed my life the end of 1999, quit my wonderful job at the University, sold my cute house on the pond, and moved to Indiana for love that didn’t last a year! I take ownership of this decision because at the time, oh goodness I thought it was a good decision, and he “loved” me. Dating long distance and for only six months, was not rational, and anyone can be what they want you to see for six months. But on the other hand, I truly believe everything happens for a reason! There are positives over the years that have come from me moving to Indiana. But this is where I stopped caring. I know in my heart this is where I changed.

It hurt me deeper than I thought. This failure was huge! My lack of judgement for this man, imprinted more on the inside. I cried for months when I left, poured myself in my work, even took up candle making to occupy my free time so I wouldn’t think about him and cry.

Heartbreak – It ran deep! After all these years, it all comes down to heartbreak? Wow. Now I begin the journey of healing myself, caring, and getting where I need to be. Day 2.

What a breakthrough! I feel FREE

Love – Deanna

 

 

 

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