Lone Wolf

WolfGoing through a trauma, both physically and emotionally, changes you. How can it not change you when all the cells in your body absorb that trauma, and your brain can’t erase it either?

It’s hard for others to understand when I withdrawal from them because I’m feeling anxiety that overwhelms me to the point I need to be alone to feel safe. I had friends before my attack that want me to be the same old me, but I can’t be. I’m changed – sure I’m still the happy, positive person most of the time, but there are moments when I feel like a lone wolf that needs to escape the world and show self-care in being alone. I have learned meditation to help calm me, and taking long walks out in nature helps too. But I need to do it alone.

Does anyone else feel this way? Have you also experienced trauma of some kind?

I experienced someone I dated for a short period of time, who never showed me an ounce of violence, try to kill me in an instant. I remember in my mind saying “you can’t let him take you anywhere else because you will most certainly die there.” So I saw a moment where I could fight him when he least expected it, even though he had a knife on me. I won’t go into detail, but I was in for the “fight of my life” – for my life.

Good won that day – and I’m here because I didn’t freeze like a deer in the head lights, but it could have ended the other way as well. I’m currently writing the book to share about dating violence and how I survived.

But what I wanted to say in the being of this blog was – I’m changed because of trauma. I don’t apologize for the change, I embrace it for making me stronger! I’m grateful for every day I’m here!

We never know when we meet someone what they’ve been through. I know NO ONE would ever think I am a survivor of dating violence. But I do have moments when I need to be a lone wolf, and it have nothing to do with anyone else, but only to do with me healing myself. Please remember to show grace sometime to others even when you don’t understand.

Love,

Deanna

gotodeanna@gmail.com

 

What I Know to be True

The quote from Dr. Maya Angelou is what I know to be true.
Women every where are going out on dates hoping the guy they are with will be what they want. I’m sure both sides, male and female, have expectations! When we have these expectations we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. The person hopes he/she is be what they have imagined, and in most cases this blinds people in seeing the truth.
As you sit there reading this where ever you may be, I know someone came to your mind as you were reading.  Looking back now,  YOU KNOW, you know, you know that the person you went out with showed you who they truly are.  You may not believe that, but it’s true. If you allow yourself to see clearly and without preconceived ideas – then yes, on that date if you asked questions of one another, then they showed you.
I know that my intuition told me to break up with someone last year. I should have stopped seeing him just after a few dates, but I didn’t listen. It took me 4 months to finally break up with him. I regret NOT paying attention to my intuition. However, we go through things for a reason. I learned a HUGE life lesson. One I will never forget. I wrote an EBOOK of what I went through in that short period.
I was almost killed by my ex-boyfriend. Yes! His intention was to murder me. In a split second it was clear I had to either fight or die.  Every woman who is dating should read this. Any woman who is in an abusive relationship, should read this! I will always be grateful that I fought back and I’m here to share my story.
Deanna

Words of Appreciation

angelsI was talking to one of my girlfriends yesterday about something that recently happened in my life. I hesitated to share my story…. and in that moment MY INNER VOICE said to me “You are MEANT to share your story!” What I went through wasn’t suppose to be kept inside.

As I shared with her, much to my surprise, her reaction was so positive and reassuring at the same time. I told her I know God knew I was strong enough to handle it and that was why he gave it to me! I was meant to survive this violent crime and I only did by the grace of God and Angels protecting me that day. I say that day but I know they are with me every moment of every day… I feel them. What I haven’t share with everyone was that I was protected TWICE that day from death.  The first time I was almost killed on the road driving on the interstate. I was in the fast lane behind a semi truck, the roads were busy but the weather wasn’t bad. And another semi was following behind me.  For some reason the semi suddenly slammed on his brakes and the only way to avoid hitting him was pulling over into the medium by the concrete partition. The semi behind me slammed on his brakes coming within only a few inches of slamming to the semi in front to me. I would have been smashed in between the two semi’s if I had not completely moved over into the shoulder. I have goosebumps as I’m writing this….

I said a prayer of thankfulness in that moment knowing I was protected and saved. My heart racing… I stayed there for a few minutes before everyone started to move again. There is no doubt that Angels protected me and would again in the afternoon of that same day. That story is being written…it’s more graphic.

After sharing with my friend my story – what she said afterwards reaffirmed that my story is to be shared with other women! She loved that I had chosen not to be a victim, but that I said “God knew I was strong enough to handle this and chose me to survive for a reason.”  She continued on to say so many words of appreciation and encouragement that I knew without any doubt, I was right to share and would never hold back or hesitate again.

With that said, I am writing a book about my story along with doing seminars talking to women about dating in the new age of information. I actually have two stories to share in my seminars – both are astounding and hard to believe. And both of them happened back to back!! That in itself is affirmation!  I will keep you posted as the story has been flowing out of me onto my computer.

My words of appreciation today go to God and my Angles. I thank you for your protection, and entrusting me with this message to share with women. I appreciated the love of my family and friends. You are my strength and encouragement too!

Love and thankfulness,

Deanna

Relationships…Relating on all levels

kissI am the first to say – I’m not an expert in relationships. I am good at relating to people and that is a huge part in relationships. Being a former business executive, I learned early on it was important to build relationships with others, not just take a persons business card and smile. It’s about connecting and building a foundation to build on.

But what I want to talk about  now is personal relationships. The relationships of love and passion between two people. There are so many levels we need to connect with our partner on i.e., spiritual, financial, physical, children, everyday life duties etc. It’s important to be aware of all levels not just one or two.

There are also qualities we seek in our partner that are “must haves” and there are “wants” that we would like to have, but aren’t a deal breaker. It’s very important that you know your “must haves” before you begin dating someone. If you don’t know these before hand, your hormones will kick in and you won’t be making wise decisions – they will just be based on attraction.

I saw a well written post today on FB by Graham White – here is part of what he wrote:

My experience with women has been that they were unaware how sexual they can be until they encounter a purposeful man who acknowledges, supports and adores them for who they are.

Any man who finds he’s not ‘getting enough’ should check to see if he’s supporting enough. It’s more than paying the bills and doing the chores (but it needs to include those) – it’s also about if he chooses to be in the small details of life.

It made me think back on past relationship – ones that were good and ones that were bad. And what he said is true. In the best ones – it was because I felt a strong purposeful man beside me who acknowledged, supported and adored me.

I wanted to share this  – both men and women need to read this. Think and acknowledge if you are doing this for your partner or not. It’s so very important.

When you truly love someone, you want their happiness more than you want your own. Especially if it’s a healthy, loving, and respectful relationship.

Love and happy relationships!

Deanna