Trying to make sense of it all

All of us are happy to see an end to 2020, and I for one am hopeful for 2021, but it hasn’t started out well. I am angry, saddened, and shocked by what transpired on our Capitol last week. The more I see people hurting other people, what some extremist intended to do with bombs, weapons, and zip ties, sickens me. What are we doing?!? “We the people” are not “this” – we are the United States! We are the example of every nation on this earth to look to. We are BETTER! We must DO BETTER!

I don’t know how to make sense of what is happening. I can only hope that justice will happen to those who broke the law, damaged the Capitol, and hurt others people physically. There are consequences to our actions, and that starts at the top. No one is above the law.

What happened to the Golden Rule? Treat others as we want to be treated? We need to help one another, be kind every day, lend a helping hand when we can, and let service to others be our first action. We have experienced so much pain with Covid-19, let’s move forward in being healthy for 2021.

Let’s help spread love and kindness. Be mindful in the words we use, because our words matter. Let’s pray for others who are suffering or hurting. When I look at others, I remind myself how grateful I am for my life. I see the blessings I’ve received. I appreciate the people who made a difference in my life.

Bottom line….. I’m very grateful.

Much love and kindness,

D-

Lone Wolf

WolfGoing through a trauma, both physically and emotionally, changes you. How can it not change you when all the cells in your body absorb that trauma, and your brain can’t erase it either?

It’s hard for others to understand when I withdrawal from them because I’m feeling anxiety that overwhelms me to the point I need to be alone to feel safe. I had friends before my attack that want me to be the same old me, but I can’t be. I’m changed – sure I’m still the happy, positive person most of the time, but there are moments when I feel like a lone wolf that needs to escape the world and show self-care in being alone. I have learned meditation to help calm me, and taking long walks out in nature helps too. But I need to do it alone.

Does anyone else feel this way? Have you also experienced trauma of some kind?

I experienced someone I dated for a short period of time, who never showed me an ounce of violence, try to kill me in an instant. I remember in my mind saying “you can’t let him take you anywhere else because you will most certainly die there.” So I saw a moment where I could fight him when he least expected it, even though he had a knife on me. I won’t go into detail, but I was in for the “fight of my life” – for my life.

Good won that day – and I’m here because I didn’t freeze like a deer in the head lights, but it could have ended the other way as well. I’m currently writing the book to share about dating violence and how I survived.

But what I wanted to say in the being of this blog was – I’m changed because of trauma. I don’t apologize for the change, I embrace it for making me stronger! I’m grateful for every day I’m here!

We never know when we meet someone what they’ve been through. I know NO ONE would ever think I am a survivor of dating violence. But I do have moments when I need to be a lone wolf, and it have nothing to do with anyone else, but only to do with me healing myself. Please remember to show grace sometime to others even when you don’t understand.

Love,

Deanna

gotodeanna@gmail.com

 

Love Someone More Than Yourself

holding hands 1I had a dream last night. This was the message.

LOVE someone more than yourself. Love them enough to want their happiness above your own.

What gets in the way of this happening is our ego. Everyone desires love, it’s our hearts desire. God made us this way. We are all made for love.

But holding on to someone for your own selfish needs, isn’t going to make either one of you happy. It will only drain you and your happiness every day! How exhausting! All that worthless energy given to something not worth giving energy too.

My girlfriend for over 20 years came to this realization years ago. Her and her husband weren’t in love. They got married right out of HS, started a family and were just good friends. They partnered together to raise their two girls, but there was no love between them. They respected one another. They cared for one another. However, they both craved loved.

One day they sat down and talked openly about their relationship/marriage. I don’t know who first said it, but here it is. “WE both know our marriage is more about raising our kids and you and I are roommates. I care about you, but I’m not in love. I want us both to find the love and happiness we deserve. We can still parent/partner to raise our kids. I think it would be better if they see real love and what it can be like in a marriage.”

WOW! How wonderful is that? They talked in an open, respectful way. And it was received in the same way. After 20 years of marriage, they got divorced shortly after the talk, and yes they both found love once they were free to allow that to happen. The kids were fine with the divorce because they saw their parents were working together and weren’t hateful or bitter in any way! That my friend was the best divorce I’ve ever seen.  I wish all of them could be like that, but we both know or have seen bad divorces.

What I want to impress upon you is – If you truly love someone, than love them enough to let them go when you know they aren’t in love with you. Everyone deserves GREAT love!

 

 

Life Lesson…love openly & honestly

lessons-in-life“Never close your lips to those whom you have already opened your heart.” ~ Charles Dickens

I have a lot of hard lessons in my life especially in love. But I have always said “God will send me someone who will love me with my flaws when I am ready.” I know that to be true.

People come into our lives for difference reasons – we all have heard that right? We are to be open, experience what we are meant to with them, and if they aren’t meant to be in our lives forever then we let go, figure out the blessings they gave us or the life lesson we learned during that time. Sometimes we make mistakes and hope that the other person will forgive us in be stronger in the relationship for it.

The lesson I’ve learned is to love openly and honestly. I have always been protective of my kids since I got divorced when they were babies, but when you are dating someone and you already care deeply for the person, you should share them with your family and friends. You never want to have your partner feel you are ashamed of them. You want his family to love you and he want your family to love him. That is natural. But if you don’t ever show him/her off, then they will feel that you aren’t proud or even worse, that you are ashamed of them. This all comes back to : treat the other person as you want to be treated:

Hard lesson given my background. But lesson learned the hard way.

Love who you are with openly and honestly. Give them your best.

Love and Learning,

eanna